The old wisdom traditions say that the world you experience is your own creation. That strictly speaking, you could influence your reality at a moment's notice. A world of "infinite possibilities" it has been termed by Deepak Chopra for example.
I find that to be very true. Truer than I would like it to be. I've experienced many a time the miracle of a wish fulfilled, when the reality shifts and brings you that wonderful person into your life and you go down the list you had prepared while seeking him... point by point, it's all there - yes he's truly fulfilling each and every point that you were so absolutely sure, the perfect mate should have... well, yes, he has them ALL ... more than you bargained for ! Always turns out that way, it's so infinitely HUMBLING. So what went wrong then ? How could it be, that the Universe "gave" you this person, the one fitting all the points on your list and all you experience after the initial state of bliss is pain?... hmmmm....
It is said that only through pain, do we learn. Well, it's about time I'd learned then - for after boiling my last relationship disaster down to its essence, and compared it to the rest of my not so favored experiences in life - I finally found the common denominator. PAIN....
So many of my wishes did come true, too many that I could honestly say that I don't actively create my experience of this world. I often wondered what those sticks are that got magically thrown into the spokes of my turning wheels and brought many a situation to a screeching halt - over and over again ? - Different players, same story, so to speak.
Just recently, I gave it one more mighty push. I meditated for a while, felt really in tune and aligned with my higher self. It's a warm fuzzy, but also powerful feeling to be in this state. I said to myself: "ok - list up all the things you would like to see in your world" - it was quite a big list. It included material things, it included emotional states, it included healthy and happy kids - you know the whole shebang. So i had this list and felt very good about it. What an achievement. I was able to focus my mind on my next creation and so i envisioned my new world with all my might, intent and open heart, for no-one to be harmed by my creation. So it began....
The very next day - it is said that the more you are aligned with your higher self, the quicker things manifest - I was put to the test. EVERYTHING went wrong - first my emotions were pummeled by my out of control teenager, who did an amazing job at hurting my emotions for hours. Then I realized that I needed a break and went to mow my lawn. I started the mower and pulled out the starter cable in one swift motion - to find my hand hitting the wooden play structure hard. Tears rolled down my face by now, it really hurt and thankfully the noise of the lawnmower swallowed any curses that came out of me. So i had my emotions pummeled, my body hurt and I was quite a wreck already.
My lovely daughter had meanwhile recovered a bit from her drama, just to begin talking to me incessantly. There was nothing I felt I could do to make her stop - My brain started to hurt like crazy and I feared going somewhat insane. I took another time-out and retreated to my room. I stood there, flabberghasted and let review pass - This day had been totally insane. I got hurt so bad and all I wanted was for it to stop. I was clearly at a breaking point and desperately cried out to the Universe: "This is too strange, what is going on???"
I do not know why It took me 49 years to find out about my mistake, but hey, time is an illusion, so the very moment you find your epiphany, that's a good moment in my book. The message that came so clearly to me after having asked the pertinent question was: "you believe that the physical world is one of pain, hence you can only experience it as one of pain."
Trust me, I sat down somewhat shellshocked at that humbling epiphany. There I was, trying to cover up my experience of pain in the physical world with nifty creations of reality - to find that the very core of my experience on the physical plane is messed up. In order for my beautiful new creations to manifest, my base idea of this physical world has to change...
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